Silence is golden. That’s what they say right? Well, I think they must be the sort of people who don’t love expressing themselves with the dulcet tones of their vocals in conversation or commentating their existence while alone, laughing bombastically, or singing or ranting or whatever!
I was just joking (actually, I was dead serious- they thought I was joking) to some friends the other day about me never ever going to silent retreat as I would never be able to shut up that long and that I would go crazy!
It seems as if the universe was listening and laughing because here I sit in silence. Not by choice, but any kind of vocalisation leads to a tirade of incessant coughing that has brought me to the edge of vomiting on more than one occasion!
Today is the 1st day I have been silent. The last few days I have managed to speak a paragraph before these disgusting coughing fits. I am silent out of necessity believe me.
This hideous stranger (some cold, virus, bacteria-who knows- but not COVID- I’ve tested negative twice- thank goodness!) has trespassed upon my self-expression and made me mute! A situation I have found frustrating to say the least and explains why I probably worsened my condition by speaking sporadically the last few days. My email handle is lindsaybigvoice for crying out loud! Anyone who knows me would know right now I am less than impressed with this situation.
However, unlike Dido- there is a white flag above my door. I have given up speaking (at least for today…lol….so far) and it seems to be helping. I have only had 2 vomit inducing coughing fits today so that is progress. I have now managed almost a full day of no speech and I hate to admit it, but it hasn’t been that bad. In fact, I remembered my Auslan (Australian sign language) alphabet that I learned when I was about 11 or 12 years old! Incredible how we just remember some things. It has been hilarious (inner laughter) watching Luke my husband try to decipher my own brand of Auslan meets charades and mime. When it gets too bad, I use our kitchen note pad.
Interesting how when you surrender and improvise you can find things of interest or fun! I am certainly not saying #i’ve got this but focusing on the things I can do to communicate utilises more creativity and takes my mind off the frustration of not expressing myself in my default way.
So even though I have had to cancel all my improv clients and classes this week I am still improvising….lol. Just not in a way I expected. And I am hoping the miming will improve my ‘object work’ (what we call miming an activity or holding an imaginary cup) in improv. Although at the moment either I am crap at object work or Luke is bad at Charades….lol.
I’m hopeful for a speedy recovery and that I can keep up the silence. Sometimes I think we forget that dialogue is only part of the story when it comes to communication. And to be honest if I asked vocally for Luke to make scones the 2nd night in a row instead of writing him a cute note and looking at him like puss in boots does when he does ‘cute face’ I wouldn’t fancy my chances, but this new communication style seems to have done the trick. I can smell them in the oven already. Love you Luke my scone angel.

Now probably most of you don’t have the full aversion I have to a silent retreat, and I of all people aren’t suggesting such a thing…lol. But perhaps we should all have a look at how we are relying on our dialogue to communicate more than our gestures. And I feel like there is a metaphor here somewhere……
Where are we just talking the talk, not waking the walk?
And as improvisers how can we complement our dialogue with physicality and embodiment, especially on Zoom?
Think about it.
And if you are keen to go on a silent retreat then all power to you! Have fun!
Much silent love.
Lindsay. x

I woke up recently and started to remember my dreams. With great delight I remembered I had had a flying dream! I love flying dreams! I have been blessed throughout my life to have them. I’m not clumsily flapping my arms or anything, just gliding over cities and country sides. It is lovely. I usually start walking, then power walking, then running, and then I start to lift and off I go!

I am somewhat aware in the dream that a lot of this ability to stay aloft has to do with some kind of mindset. I know that sounds weird but there seems to be a kind of letting go that needs to happen to stay up there. It’s like…… when I start to feel a heaviness in my mind and body I start to drop. It is just magic and a wonderful feeling being up there and watching everything, free and unaffected.

However, this recollection of my flying dream soon had me mad! I remembered flying, soaring up over a busy suburb and then, while I was flying, I started ranting to myself- “Oh look at those stupid people down there in their cars beeping at each other and not giving way, look at the rubbish all around on the ground, look at that idiot standing in the middle of the footpath on their phone not being present and about to bump into someone or something!”

But I WAS FLYING!!! Who cares what was happening on the ground! I got so mad at myself in the dream for wasting so much time bitching when I WAS FLYING! I haven’t had a flying dream for about 2 years and here I was not enjoying the most wonderful dream! Why?

Well probably because I have been quite overwhelmed and anxious in my real life at the moment with heaps of improv clients and teaching and all the day to day boring admin stuff as well as just dealing with people in life- who cough and splutter everywhere on public transport without a mask, stand at the bottom of escalators contemplating what they came to the shopping centre for instead of moving away and letting me alight smoothly, or the ones who decide parking their 4WD, tailpipe facing me with the engine still running and the diesel stinking up the place while I try to have a cup of tea and cake at an outdoor café!

I know when I have started focusing on the wrong things in life because I start to get angry, fed up and a bit anxious. Truth be told, most people think I am a very strong person who has their shit together mostly, but I am actually a pretty sensitive person, especially in everyday life when people are so unaware of their surroundings and kindness comes second. Everyone is too busy and important in their own lives to be kind. See what happens? See the spiral this thinking takes me on!

In the dream, I notice this raging is making me lose altitude, down, down, down I come until I gently plop onto the ground again. Angry.

Sitting on my bed contemplating the dream I realise that maybe, there is a chance, that lately I have been focused on the wrong things. Not seeing the bigger picture. Not rising above it all to see the whole.

It reminds me of something improv teacher Benjamin Lloyd told me once. He had been reading a book called the 4 agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and had realised the ‘4 addictions’ the author speaks of could be related to what happens in improv (and in life of course) where people lose focus on the ‘scene’ because they let themselves be taken over by one or more of 4 negative mindset addictions: The need for Perfection, The need to know what is going to happen, The need for intensity and (in my case-and in my dream), The need to see what is wrong instead of what is right.

In terms of improv these addictions can completely derail a scene.

I can see in real life this also holds true.

I am still mad at myself for giving in to this addiction rather than realising that I WAS FLYING!

But rather than be hard on myself and seeing ‘what was wrong’ with ‘seeing what was wrong’ (wow! double bind…lol)- I will take the lesson from it.

Seeing what is wrong with things can help you notice what needs improvement so that can be a good thing but when it becomes an addiction- there lies anger, frustration, disappointment and possibly apathy.

My biggest hope for myself now is that I can be more in the moment and realise that most of the time in my life I am flying! I get to teach and play improv most of the time, I get to see people find their spirit and joy again, I get to make magic almost everyday in that regard. I AM FLYING!

My wish for my improvisers is for them to see that being in a scene- flying by the seat of your pants- the exhilaration of that is a gift! Being ok with not striving to be perfect, not knowing what will happen, being ok with pace and not needing to push the action and noticing what is working in the scene as opposed to what is wrong with it allows for real presence and enjoyment and really good scenes!
LET’S FLY!!!

If you want to feel like flying- you should try improv!

Never done improv before?
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https://www.improvhub.com.au/fundamentals-1

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