There is just one question you should ask.

As you may or may not know, a few months ago I had a big health scare!
In fact I have only been back at work at Improv Hub the last few weeks…..

At the end of May I woke up one morning with a black spot that was blurring my vision. I thought it was just a trick of the light but the next morning when I awoke it was still there! I thought I had better go to an optometrist and make sure there was nothing wrong. I told her my symptom and asked if she could do the photograph the back of the eye thing. I totally expected her to say she could find nothing and that it was probably just a migraine (which I had been told by an optometrist many years ago when something similar happened).

However, after some eye tests she looked gravely at me and said, “I would like you to go straight to ER at the nearest hospital as I think you have had a stroke”.

I was flabbergasted! ME!! 46 years young! A stroke!

After a stroke work up at the hospital, I was told I definitely did not have a brain stroke BUT I had definitely had an EYE STROKE! I had never even heard of an eye stroke! I was told this was still serious (as it is still considered a stroke) and because I had no risk factors for stroke I would need to keep going for tests as they were stumped as to why……

*It is at this point I want to make a community service announcement! If you wake up one morning with a blind spot, grey spot, dark spot or any loss of vision at all especially in one eye PLEASE get to a doctor or optometrist IMMEDIATELY! (Because I left it 2 days they couldn’t really do anything to get my sight back in my inner right eye’s peripheral vision- but I have heard if you go immediately sometimes they can save it).

My sight in my right eye has improved by about 40% since it happened and everyday I am grateful that it was my inner peripheral vision and not my central vision; so my left eye can compensate .

Still……. it has been a very upsetting and scary time and I have moved through many stages of emotion- shock, sadness, worry, anger, resentment, hopelessness, apathy, gratitude and finally acceptance.

Recent tests have revealed I have a hole in my heart and this hole is what most probably let through the blood clot that caused the eye stroke. Tests are ongoing and decisions will need to be made about treatment. But for now, I am (as my cardiologist assures me) as safe as I can be- taking Aspirin every day.

Apart from letting you know why I have been quiet of late and giving you a community service announcement, there is another reason I am writing this........

Although I have absolutely beautiful friends, family, students and colleagues I was a little disappointed at some people’s reaction to the news of the eye stroke.

I would say I am generally a positive person but when it happened and for at least about a month after it happened, I didn’t feel very positive and to be honest I didn’t want to. I just wanted to feel whatever negative emotion I needed to as I knew this is part of the process after a shock.

There were quite a few people whose reaction was to try and cheer me up or say ‘you’ve got this’ or wanted me to be positive or grateful, or worse than that, started telling me about how it compared to their own ailments! LOL

It got me thinking about how most people react by default and often in a way that they would want others to be with them.
Just like my theory about presents…….lol…… (unless you have a friend or family member who is really sensitive to your values and what you really like) most people buy you the presents they themselves would like to receive…lol. So usually I make a note of the kind of present someone gives me so I know what they would like to get when it’s their turn…..lol

Which leads me to the all-important question! The question I wished I was asked but wasn’t......
Are you ready?

What does support look/feel/sound like for you Lindsay?
Eg. Do you want me to be positive for you, just listen and nod or commiserate with you?

As Simon Sinek said recently in an interview when he was talking about telling a friend he was feeling sad and lonely, “I didn’t want them to fix it, or cheer me up! I just wanted them to sit in the mud with me, just sit beside me in the mud, just to show me I wasn’t alone”.

This question What does support look/feel/sound like for you? Is so powerful.

We are asking the other person what their needs are. We are telling them we are willing to listen- even if it’s hard. We are acknowledging that they may not have the same needs as us- and that’s ok. We are holding the space for them. It sounds simple but, in my experience, getting someone to just hold the space for you without judgement, fixing or advice giving is very rare.

So, I am making a commitment to myself that the next time a friend, family member, colleague or student goes through a hard time be it shock, loss, grief, loneliness, sadness, anger, frustration, depression, or anxiety I’ll stop. Breathe. And ask the question. And then try my best to really listen to the answer. Listen. Deeply listening is key.

Truly listening is one of the greatest gifts we can ever give someone. It is simple, but it is not easy.

I hope I’ve made you think about challenging yourself to do the same as me and ask this powerful question too.
Let’s get better at listening and holding the space for others.

Thanks for listening/reading. I appreciate it.
 
Now here’s the plug!
Want to be a better listener?

I have just the thing! Try improv!! There is a Level 1 class Thursdays for 4 weeks starting September 14th 630-830pm AEST, 2023.
Not only is improv fun and full of joy but the group games and scenes make you listen to others and respond. We create something from nothing together and the only way we can do that is by listening and accepting the other player’s offers! Nothing you or your partner says is too dumb or stupid all ideas are welcomed. We create a safe space to express yourself and be heard!

Sign up now! No experience necessary! Early bird pricing until September 7th!
https://www.eventbrite.com.au/e/706062480887?aff=oddtdtcreator

If you can't make this class you can also do a 1:1 improv discovery session at a time that suits you!
Go to https://improvhub.com.au/coaching