I saw something disturbing

When I was at my local garden centre, I saw something quite disturbing to me. I was perusing the plants when I noticed a mother and her daughter having a conversation. The daughter looked between 3-4 years old, and I overheard the mother say “So it is Aunty Shelly’s birthday this weekend what should we get her, what do you think?” The little girl had stopped by some bags of stones (you know the ones you put in amongst cactus and succulents). She picked up a net bag of smooth river stones and held them up to her mum as if it were a precious artifact and said, “these for Auntie Shelly Mummy”. I smiled to myself, thinking how sweet. However, what I heard in response shocked and disturbed me. “Don’t be stupid, we aren’t going to give her rocks, why would you say that? Stop being silly”. Crestfallen the little girl obediently put the river stones back.
 
It made me sad- she wasn’t being silly, she was being serious and helpful! She was only 3-4 years old, of course stones would be a cool gift to her! But what was really disturbing was knowing that this shutting down of her ‘stupid idea’ would grow with her. It stands to reason that anyone who would say something like that to her daughter in public would be saying similar things at home, and possibly quite regularly. Now I don’t want to be hard on the mother here as she is probably a nice enough lady and truthfully it is very likely the same had been done to her at some stage. But unbeknownst to her that seed of doubt was planted in her little girl and will probably germinate and grow over the years.

Like the little girl many of us are silenced from a young age. We shut down our self-expression and hold down our ideas. We become perfectionists and start really caring what others think and how we are coming across. We can end up swallowing down our natural creativity and crazy ideas. We second guess and censor. We self-criticise and judge. And very often that lack of self-acceptance extends to others, and we stop really listening to their ‘dumb’ ideas or encouraging true collaboration.

Part of the reason I love Improv so much is because it helps to undo this psychological mess we end up growing into! In Improv we learn how to accept and say ‘yes and….’ to all the dumb ideas. We make our partners in scenes look good by supporting their ‘dumb ideas’. We have fun again. We express our ideas again. We know we are in a safe environment to ‘fail’ and just be ourselves.

As a teacher it is a really special moment for me seeing when someone releases that critical self-judgement in their head and dislodges the heavy stone in their throat that stops their self-expression. They can start to believe in themselves again and trust their imagination. It is magic!

Improv is all about being offered a stone by your partner and you saying, “thanks for that, it was just what I needed, I’m going to paint it and make it my pet rock named George”.


copyright 2022 Improv Hub- Lindsay Drummond