I was walking to my local shop to get a couple of things, and I noticed on the other side of the busy road, wanting to cross, was a young 20 something year old girl (I say girl cos our brains don’t fully mature until around 24ish…lol). She decided to cross the road on a corner with whizzing traffic buzzing by. She saw her opportunity and took it. She ran frantically across the road. She had some speed up but in my mind’s eye it all went into terrible slow motion as to my horror I noticed her shoelace was untied.

Each thundering step slowed right down in my vision to a fumbling mess and as I witnessed her foot hit the ground the untied lace teased and tossed and threatened to end her charge by bouncing below the shoe and out again and under and out again. I could almost hear the whipping sound of it hitting the tarmac as she ran. I was frozen waiting for her footfalls to safely make it to the curb. Which she did…..only just.
I hastened my pace to catch up with her ahead of me. I said, ‘excuse me love, your shoelace is untied’. ‘She looked startled and bewildered. She stared at me blankly. I repeated, ‘your shoe lace is untied, my heart was in my mouth there watching you run across the road and your lace was dancing dangerously close to a trip up! Can you please do it up otherwise I won’t be able to sleep tonight having visions of you face-planting and scraping off all the beautiful skin from your face!’ LOL

Needless to say, she thought I was crazy and proceeded to bend down and do up her lace. Whether it was just the shock of being stopped or the vision of her imagined gravel rash after a possible fall my intervention seemed to do the trick. I walked on resolved that I had saved a life and done my good deed for the day.

Not more than 30 metres down the road I came upon another girl who had one lace fully undone!!! I couldn’t believe it!
I said ‘hey, just letting you know, your shoelace is undone’ she looked through me and said (with all the surety of a fool who knows everything ‘I know’. And kept walking!!! WTFF!!

Is this some new trend? Living on the edge, at any given moment living with the thrill of a possible face-plant?
Man! Weird! Is it a fashion thing the youngins are doing?
If it is, it is super dumb….lol

This very teenage approach to life got me thinking about how if I had stopped either of these girls in the street and asked them to play a ‘word at a time’ game with me (a popular improv warm up exercise) they would have probably refused fearing the embarrassment of doing something ‘weird’ in public. However, the possible scenario of face-planting on a busy road with onlookers was an embarrassment worth risking (probably in the name of fashion or the ‘I’m not bothered’ nonchalance of young-hip-cool Gen Zs) ….LOL.

Why do peeps risk incredible physical harm but not the social embarrassment of ‘looking silly’, or ‘looking dumb’, ‘saying something embarrassing’ or ‘saying something offensive’.

People will do all sorts of things to avoid embarrassment! Especially social embarrassment.

As I get older, I am kinda the opposite, I am more avoidant of physical harm than mental, emotional or social reputational harm. I think part of that is realising how important your physical health is and if you lose that then it affects every aspect of your life!
However, I relish any opportunity to embarrass myself socially! As some of you may already know, I have a theory: I try to embarrass myself at least once a day so I can become impervious to embarrassment- because the one who can be embarrassed and be ok with it truly wins the game of life and the prize of true freedom.

We can build a cage for ourselves through others’ judgements. We become scared to risk, scared to fail and scared to not be accepted and liked. And most of the times the risks we are most scared of won’t even give us painful gravel rash!! LOL

Unfortunately, I see a trend of people avoiding social, emotional, mental embarrassment at the detriment of their character and resilience.
If you want to be unstoppable, unbeatable and unflappable then get used to being ok with embarrassment and with not being liked or always approved of by others. People spend a lot less time thinking about you than you think. Lol.

Also, those who need to be liked sacrifice being respected in the long run.

So please, go forth and embarrass thyself!

Preferably not by face-planting on the road cos you’re a dumbass who needs to tie your laces …..LOL.
Get those priorities right peeps! Safe body. Risky mind!

Go out there with your shoelaces tied and risk telling a dumb joke!

May the cringe be with you!

Lindsay. x

Wanna learn how to be ok with social embarrassment?

Do an online improv session for personal development with me! Click here 

I just got back from the Hobart improv festival which was AWESOME! While I was down there, I saw something that made me think of the power of support and the power of being ok with embarrassment. 

As you may or may not know, I am pretty much famous for telling peeps “Try to embarrass yourself at least once a day so you become impervious to embarrassment because most people will do anything not to be embarrassed- they let fear rule them. But when you can be embarrassed and ok with it then you are unstoppable- you win the game of life”.

This fear of embarrassment and ridicule comes to us at a young age. When we start to be aware of the social norms and ‘unspoken rules’. We fear being ‘uncool’.

I once had a friend abandon me picking up the contents of my bag outside a shop because she was just so vicariously embarrassed by my clumsiness…..LOL. I rewarded her disloyalty by yelling out her name and saying, ‘aren’t you going to help me?’ Which of course made her even more embarrassed. LOL. I was young but even then, I remember feeling sorry for her because she was so restricted in her life because she cared so much what other people, including people who didn’t even know her, thought.

Years later she would break up with a rich, good-looking guy with a lovely personality because he ran after her professing his love in the street and struck his head on a pole. “OMG Lindsay it was SOOOOO embarrassing”. I said “Wow, was he ok?” she said, “Who knows, I just left him there”. He ended up calling her and asking what happened. She told him she just couldn’t see him anymore without seeing his head snap back off that pole so she ended the relationship. Apparently, it was all too embarrassing.

Anyway, I digress…..
 
While I was in Hobart I went to a very cool and funky bookshop that also had home wares, a bar, snacks and a cinema. It was warm and pleasant and a great respite from the 7 degrees outside. People were milling around with wine glasses perusing books. It was all very sophisticated and ‘cool’.

As I walked down one of the isles, I overheard a conversation between a little boy of about 7 and what seemed to be his uncle or perhaps a big brother and they were looking at some of the home wares. The little boy picked up a scented candle and said, ‘this smells like mum, it’s nice’. I thought it was so sweet that he had an olfactory representation of his mum, and he said it so sweetly.

The brother-uncle picked up the candle and said ‘Does it smell like her? Oh cool!’ And just as I was appreciating the sweet exchange and had passed them in the isle, the little boy farted.

Like really loud!
There was even a slight smell.

The little boy was shocked and started to sound panicked. ‘Oh no! Oh no! I’m sorry, oh no…..’ he sounded on the verge of tears the poor wee thing. My heart went out to him. I knew this could be an important moment for him about being embarrassed.

Big brother-uncle came to the rescue. ‘That’s ok mate, don’t worry about it, we all do that!’ ‘It really is ok’. The boy calmed down and listened to the uncle-brother. I felt so happy. He didn’t ridicule him.
He normalised it.

These type of moments happen to us when we are kids all the time and if people ridicule us for our embarrassments, it can have a terrible effect on our self-esteem, not to mention create protectionist tendencies to always look like we ‘have it all together’.  For some people feeling embarrassment can feel like they are literally dying!

That is what I LOVE about improv. We play, be silly, embarrass ourselves, have fun, make mistakes, all the while supporting each other in our messy, embarrassing, non-perfect humanity. ‘YES AND’ we say!

No matter how stupid, dumb, unfunny, uncreative, uninteresting the idea- we say yes!

This playful environment of unconditional positive regard fosters self-expression and healing of old wounds from long ago when we broke the ‘rules’, were ‘uncool’ and were made to feel bad about our stupid ideas, dumb suggestions and embarrassing behaviour.

 
Embrace the embarrassment! Support the stupidity! Reject the rules!
 
And if you can be a supportive BIG BROTHER UNCLE to someone today…..do it! :)


 
May the joy be with you!
Lindsay. x


 
REMEMBER:
If you want to learn how to embrace embarrassment, let go of perfectionism or just be a bit more playful then it is time to try improv! You can do one on one sessions with me, online, and I will support you in starting to let go of some of those old blocks that are holding you back from really being you!

BOOK IN TODAY!
https://calendly.com/improvhubsessions/improv-hub-coaching-session

I have recently been teaching two very different levels of improv classes- Level 1 with beginners, and a more advanced class to more experienced improvisers. It is interesting to see the differences in the players’ approach to collaboration.

Newer players have just learnt that the golden rule (although there are no REAL rules in improv) is to say YES AND to your partner. In other words, be in agreement and accept the reality of the offers from your partner in a scene and then add information to it.

For example:
Player A: Hey sis, I thought you were going to work today…
Player B: I was, but I realised today is a special day.
Player A: Wow you remembered?
Player B: Of course I did, I would never forget the 1st anniversary of your divorce, I know how much it means to you!
Player A: You are the best! YES a year of freedom! Whoo Hoo!
Player B: YES!!!! Let’s celebrate!

There is a famous saying in improv (and I am afraid I am not sure who first said it) that says “Don’t build me a whole Cathedral, just pass me a brick and I will pass you one, and we will build this thing together”. This speaks to true collaboration. The above example is a great example of how just saying yes (not always literally) to the other person’s ideas can take you to all sorts of new places and possibilities!
I bet you didn’t expect it was divorce anniversary! And I am sure Player A and B didn’t expect it either.

This is what I love about improv. No matter how dumb the idea may sound, it is our job to ‘yes and’ it and make it work. But notice how each player didn’t overdo the information. They just said yes to the other person (accepted what they had just said was the truth) and added some more context or information.

It is a joy to watch 2 people riffing and making it up on the spot when they are in the ‘yes and’ zone like this. However sometimes the scene can play out very differently when there is no YES AND agreement.

For example:
Player A: Hey sis, I thought you were going to work today…
Player B: What are you talking about? I don’t have a job!
Player A: Oh…. you quit?
Player B: No, I’ve never worked. You know that.

At first this may sound funny but it is really hard to keep a scene like this going as there is so much disagreement about simple realities. YES AND moves a story forward and gets the players into a good rhythm, which is what you need especially if you are doing a 100% improvised 1hr play for example!

I see this often in newer improvisers before they really take YES AND on board. But why? Why do we go for the NO BUT rather than the YES AND?

One word- CONTROL.

We want to control the direction of the story or we don’t want any surprises we can’t talk ourselves out of, or we think we have a better idea. All control is about safety. The improviser stops the ‘yes and’ to stop the action and to stop it moving forward because what if it goes somewhere I don’t want to go? What if it gets chaotic or out of control? What if I look stupid?

What if indeed?

I have said this before and I will say it again- a need to control comes from a need for safety and a need for safety comes from a feeling of fear and the opposite to fear is………DRUM ROLL……………….

CURIOSITY!

That’s right! When we can stay curious in a scene (and in life) possibility opens up not shuts down. Controlling things shuts down possibilities. Being curious and saying YES AND opens us up to surprises!
And yes that can be scary but that can also be exciting, empowering, invigorating and meaningful!

One of my clients learnt about the YES AND principle and noticed that when she did it more in everyday conversations at work and in relationships, people opened up more and in turn said YES AND back to her more often. She says her conversations have been much more interesting and fun!

More experienced players in improv know the joy of saying YES AND even to things that seem dumb or even negative.
They don’t deny the created reality.
They accept it, add to it, and move forward in curiosity and they are rewarded with better, more interesting and often much more funny scenes.

True collaboration comes when we can let go of control, get curious and say YES AND!

Try it even just for an hour today! YES AND……



If you want to learn more about how to YES AND why not sign up for a class or 1:1 coaching? Coaching

I received an email from one of my Level 1 students, who, incidentally, is joining us tonight for our new Level 1 class (yep, it is sooo good people redo it :) and what she wrote blew me away. She was able to communicate something I struggle to say very succinctly and in a really cool way!

She said this in observation of watching her fellow students
(BTW I asked her permission to use this):

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I realised it’s not necessarily to do with being “good” or “bad” in improv, but rather it’s the commitment that makes it compelling and entertaining. They might not have felt super confident on the inside, but just the act of committing gave the scene conviction. Anyway, hopefully that makes sense!”

Wow it sure does make sense! COMMITMENT IS KING!

Like my very astute student realised, being able to improvise is about
COMMITMENT!
Just committing to being in the moment, present and listening. That is all! :)

Another cool example of the power of commitment was from a coaching client of mine who said he was shy to speak to women in bars and strike up conversations. He was worried he would be embarrassed or say something ‘dumb’.

But he observed his best mate doing ‘dumb’ moves on the dance floor to the band, surrounded by women laughing and talking to him.

He said he couldn’t believe how many phone numbers the guy would get after his ‘dumb’ dance moves.

I asked, ‘was he committed to being ‘dumb’?’ he laughed and said ‘YES!’ I said well that’s how he got away with it.

COMMITMENT IS KING!

What are you committing to in your life?


Seize the joy!!!


Lindsay x

Many years ago I worked in a Women’s gym as a fitness instructor. Over and over when I would ask women why they hadn’t been in to the gym in a while they would say ‘I just couldn’t get motivated’. I ended up saying to them ‘I used to think I had to be motivated to go to the gym, but now I know I need to go to the gym to be motivated!’

Afterwards I had quite a few women thank me for saying that to them, as every time they weren’t motivated, they would say it to themselves and get to the gym. Another catchphrase I used to use was ‘how many times have you gone to the gym, done a workout and then regretted it?’ And the answer of course was hardly ever, or never.

Improv is the same- I often think of it as the BRAIN GYM!
And the same rule applies!
You don’t need to be motivated to go to improv, you get motivated because you go to improv!

I have been hearing a disturbing trend recently of people thinking they ‘aren’t in the right headspace’ or ‘I would just bring everyone else down’ or ‘I feel a bit depressed’ or ‘I’m not in form’ or ‘I don’t have energy’ or ‘I’m not funny or quick enough’.

It makes me sad because I know Improv gives you energy!
It also makes me sad because peeps think they need to pretend to be happy/ok/doing well to do improv but you don’t need to pretend, you just need to be you!

If I asked these people have they ever gone to improv and regretted it they would say ‘of course not!’

Even the most tired, scared, anxious, depressed, even ill players have all felt better after a dose of laughter and the unconditional positive regard of the group. Improv’s YES AND can really help us accept ourselves as we are and realise we don’t always need to present like ‘we got it all together’. We can be scared, odd, weird, lethargic, lazy, boring, crazy, ordinary, unhappy, sad and it is all ok.
It is even ok to do half the class if you really can’t manage the whole thing. :)

Know this: gaining confidence, being in a space of creativity, laughing, being playful, having fun, playing and connecting with others and allowing yourself to be free from judgement is not only good for your health, mood, and well-being but, just like exercise, imperative to a well lived and healthy life.

Only this last week I got back from being away and I was super tired. I realised I had an improv rehearsal with a friend and was thinking of cancelling, but I knew it would give me the energy I was missing. And so even though the scenes were of a lower energy than I would usually do I had fun and a good laugh (as always) and (as always) I didn’t regret it one bit! :)

It’s kind of like my husband says every time he has a salad….lol. ‘I never think to have a salad for a meal but when I do I really enjoy it!’ It is a strange thing that very often we have resistance to the things that are actually the best for us!

I know I definitely need to eat more salad and do more exercise…lol… but at least I know I am getting my weekly dose of fun, laughter and playfulness and exercising that brain of mine at the most fun gym of all! IMPROV!

What stuff that is good for you are you not doing?
What are you putting off that you know would be good for your physical, mental or emotional health?
When would NOW be a good time to change that! YES AND……

Did you know?
You can do improv online at Improv Hub? You can do a group class or a 1:1 if you don't feel confident enough to do the group thing yet!
Check it out: https://www.improvhub.com.au/coaching.html
You don’t need any experience to join, and you don’t even need to be motivated to leave the house!
You will be having fun and learning new skills right from the comfort of your own home!

It’s time to get motivated in your life! Do some improv!

Silence is golden. That’s what they say right? Well, I think they must be the sort of people who don’t love expressing themselves with the dulcet tones of their vocals in conversation or commentating their existence while alone, laughing bombastically, or singing or ranting or whatever!
I was just joking (actually, I was dead serious- they thought I was joking) to some friends the other day about me never ever going to silent retreat as I would never be able to shut up that long and that I would go crazy!

It seems as if the universe was listening and laughing because here I sit in silence. Not by choice, but any kind of vocalisation leads to a tirade of incessant coughing that has brought me to the edge of vomiting on more than one occasion!
Today is the 1st day I have been silent. The last few days I have managed to speak a paragraph before these disgusting coughing fits. I am silent out of necessity believe me.

This hideous stranger (some cold, virus, bacteria-who knows- but not COVID- I’ve tested negative twice- thank goodness!) has trespassed upon my self-expression and made me mute! A situation I have found frustrating to say the least and explains why I probably worsened my condition by speaking sporadically the last few days. My email handle is lindsaybigvoice for crying out loud! Anyone who knows me would know right now I am less than impressed with this situation.

However, unlike Dido- there is a white flag above my door. I have given up speaking (at least for today…lol….so far) and it seems to be helping. I have only had 2 vomit inducing coughing fits today so that is progress. I have now managed almost a full day of no speech and I hate to admit it, but it hasn’t been that bad. In fact, I remembered my Auslan (Australian sign language) alphabet that I learned when I was about 11 or 12 years old! Incredible how we just remember some things. It has been hilarious (inner laughter) watching Luke my husband try to decipher my own brand of Auslan meets charades and mime. When it gets too bad, I use our kitchen note pad.

Interesting how when you surrender and improvise you can find things of interest or fun! I am certainly not saying #i’ve got this but focusing on the things I can do to communicate utilises more creativity and takes my mind off the frustration of not expressing myself in my default way.
So even though I have had to cancel all my improv clients and classes this week I am still improvising….lol. Just not in a way I expected. And I am hoping the miming will improve my ‘object work’ (what we call miming an activity or holding an imaginary cup) in improv. Although at the moment either I am crap at object work or Luke is bad at Charades….lol.

I’m hopeful for a speedy recovery and that I can keep up the silence. Sometimes I think we forget that dialogue is only part of the story when it comes to communication. And to be honest if I asked vocally for Luke to make scones the 2nd night in a row instead of writing him a cute note and looking at him like puss in boots does when he does ‘cute face’ I wouldn’t fancy my chances, but this new communication style seems to have done the trick. I can smell them in the oven already. Love you Luke my scone angel.

Now probably most of you don’t have the full aversion I have to a silent retreat, and I of all people aren’t suggesting such a thing…lol. But perhaps we should all have a look at how we are relying on our dialogue to communicate more than our gestures.
And I feel like there is a metaphor here somewhere……

Where are we just talking the talk, not waking the walk?

And as improvisers how can we complement our dialogue with physicality and embodiment, especially on Zoom?
Think about it.

And if you are keen to go on a silent retreat then all power to you! Have fun!

Much silent love.

Lindsay. x

I woke up recently and started to remember my dreams. With great delight I remembered I had had a flying dream! I love flying dreams! I have been blessed throughout my life to have them. I’m not clumsily flapping my arms or anything, just gliding over cities and country sides. It is lovely. I usually start walking, then power walking, then running, and then I start to lift and off I go!

I am somewhat aware in the dream that a lot of this ability to stay aloft has to do with some kind of mindset. I know that sounds weird but there seems to be a kind of letting go that needs to happen to stay up there. It’s like…… when I start to feel a heaviness in my mind and body I start to drop. It is just magic and a wonderful feeling being up there and watching everything, free and unaffected.

However, this recollection of my flying dream soon had me mad! I remembered flying, soaring up over a busy suburb and then, while I was flying, I started ranting to myself- “Oh look at those stupid people down there in their cars beeping at each other and not giving way, look at the rubbish all around on the ground, look at that idiot standing in the middle of the footpath on their phone not being present and about to bump into someone or something!”

But I WAS FLYING!!! Who cares what was happening on the ground! I got so mad at myself in the dream for wasting so much time bitching when I WAS FLYING! I haven’t had a flying dream for about 2 years and here I was not enjoying the most wonderful dream! Why?

Well probably because I have been quite overwhelmed and anxious in my real life at the moment with heaps of improv clients and teaching and all the day to day boring admin stuff as well as just dealing with people in life- who cough and splutter everywhere on public transport without a mask, stand at the bottom of escalators contemplating what they came to the shopping centre for instead of moving away and letting me alight smoothly, or the ones who decide parking their 4WD, tailpipe facing me with the engine still running and the diesel stinking up the place while I try to have a cup of tea and cake at an outdoor café!

I know when I have started focusing on the wrong things in life because I start to get angry, fed up and a bit anxious. Truth be told, most people think I am a very strong person who has their shit together mostly, but I am actually a pretty sensitive person, especially in everyday life when people are so unaware of their surroundings and kindness comes second. Everyone is too busy and important in their own lives to be kind. See what happens? See the spiral this thinking takes me on!

In the dream, I notice this raging is making me lose altitude, down, down, down I come until I gently plop onto the ground again. Angry.

Sitting on my bed contemplating the dream I realise that maybe, there is a chance, that lately I have been focused on the wrong things. Not seeing the bigger picture. Not rising above it all to see the whole.

It reminds me of something improv teacher Benjamin Lloyd told me once. He had been reading a book called the 4 agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and had realised the ‘4 addictions’ the author speaks of could be related to what happens in improv (and in life of course) where people lose focus on the ‘scene’ because they let themselves be taken over by one or more of 4 negative mindset addictions: The need for Perfection, The need to know what is going to happen, The need for intensity and (in my case-and in my dream), The need to see what is wrong instead of what is right.

In terms of improv these addictions can completely derail a scene.

I can see in real life this also holds true.

I am still mad at myself for giving in to this addiction rather than realising that I WAS FLYING!

But rather than be hard on myself and seeing ‘what was wrong’ with ‘seeing what was wrong’ (wow! double bind…lol)- I will take the lesson from it.

Seeing what is wrong with things can help you notice what needs improvement so that can be a good thing but when it becomes an addiction- there lies anger, frustration, disappointment and possibly apathy.

My biggest hope for myself now is that I can be more in the moment and realise that most of the time in my life I am flying! I get to teach and play improv most of the time, I get to see people find their spirit and joy again, I get to make magic almost everyday in that regard. I AM FLYING!

My wish for my improvisers is for them to see that being in a scene- flying by the seat of your pants- the exhilaration of that is a gift! Being ok with not striving to be perfect, not knowing what will happen, being ok with pace and not needing to push the action and noticing what is working in the scene as opposed to what is wrong with it allows for real presence and enjoyment and really good scenes!
LET’S FLY!!!

If you want to feel like flying- you should try improv!

Never done improv before?
Take a solo flight with me with 1:1 coaching- https://www.improvhub.com.au/coaching
Or join the next Level 1 group class for a group flight-
https://www.improvhub.com.au/fundamentals-1

Already an experienced improviser?
Take it to the next level with 1:1 coaching- https://calendly.com/improvhubsessions/improv-hub-coaching-session
Show your interest in an elective class- https://www.improvhub.com.au/fundamentals-2-3-4

As you may or may not know, a few months ago I had a big health scare!
In fact I have only been back at work at Improv Hub the last few weeks…..

At the end of May I woke up one morning with a black spot that was blurring my vision. I thought it was just a trick of the light but the next morning when I awoke it was still there! I thought I had better go to an optometrist and make sure there was nothing wrong. I told her my symptom and asked if she could do the photograph the back of the eye thing. I totally expected her to say she could find nothing and that it was probably just a migraine (which I had been told by an optometrist many years ago when something similar happened).

However, after some eye tests she looked gravely at me and said, “I would like you to go straight to ER at the nearest hospital as I think you have had a stroke”.

I was flabbergasted! ME!! 46 years young! A stroke!

After a stroke work up at the hospital, I was told I definitely did not have a brain stroke BUT I had definitely had an EYE STROKE! I had never even heard of an eye stroke! I was told this was still serious (as it is still considered a stroke) and because I had no risk factors for stroke I would need to keep going for tests as they were stumped as to why……

*It is at this point I want to make a community service announcement! If you wake up one morning with a blind spot, grey spot, dark spot or any loss of vision at all especially in one eye PLEASE get to a doctor or optometrist IMMEDIATELY! (Because I left it 2 days they couldn’t really do anything to get my sight back in my inner right eye’s peripheral vision- but I have heard if you go immediately sometimes they can save it).

My sight in my right eye has improved by about 40% since it happened and everyday I am grateful that it was my inner peripheral vision and not my central vision; so my left eye can compensate .

Still……. it has been a very upsetting and scary time and I have moved through many stages of emotion- shock, sadness, worry, anger, resentment, hopelessness, apathy, gratitude and finally acceptance.

Recent tests have revealed I have a hole in my heart and this hole is what most probably let through the blood clot that caused the eye stroke. Tests are ongoing and decisions will need to be made about treatment. But for now, I am (as my cardiologist assures me) as safe as I can be- taking Aspirin every day.

Apart from letting you know why I have been quiet of late and giving you a community service announcement, there is another reason I am writing this........

Although I have absolutely beautiful friends, family, students and colleagues I was a little disappointed at some people’s reaction to the news of the eye stroke.

I would say I am generally a positive person but when it happened and for at least about a month after it happened, I didn’t feel very positive and to be honest I didn’t want to. I just wanted to feel whatever negative emotion I needed to as I knew this is part of the process after a shock.

There were quite a few people whose reaction was to try and cheer me up or say ‘you’ve got this’ or wanted me to be positive or grateful, or worse than that, started telling me about how it compared to their own ailments! LOL

It got me thinking about how most people react by default and often in a way that they would want others to be with them.
Just like my theory about presents…….lol…… (unless you have a friend or family member who is really sensitive to your values and what you really like) most people buy you the presents they themselves would like to receive…lol. So usually I make a note of the kind of present someone gives me so I know what they would like to get when it’s their turn…..lol

Which leads me to the all-important question! The question I wished I was asked but wasn’t......
Are you ready?

What does support look/feel/sound like for you Lindsay?
Eg. Do you want me to be positive for you, just listen and nod or commiserate with you?

As Simon Sinek said recently in an interview when he was talking about telling a friend he was feeling sad and lonely, “I didn’t want them to fix it, or cheer me up! I just wanted them to sit in the mud with me, just sit beside me in the mud, just to show me I wasn’t alone”.

This question What does support look/feel/sound like for you? Is so powerful.

We are asking the other person what their needs are. We are telling them we are willing to listen- even if it’s hard. We are acknowledging that they may not have the same needs as us- and that’s ok. We are holding the space for them. It sounds simple but, in my experience, getting someone to just hold the space for you without judgement, fixing or advice giving is very rare.

So, I am making a commitment to myself that the next time a friend, family member, colleague or student goes through a hard time be it shock, loss, grief, loneliness, sadness, anger, frustration, depression, or anxiety I’ll stop. Breathe. And ask the question. And then try my best to really listen to the answer. Listen. Deeply listening is key.

Truly listening is one of the greatest gifts we can ever give someone. It is simple, but it is not easy.

I hope I’ve made you think about challenging yourself to do the same as me and ask this powerful question too.
Let’s get better at listening and holding the space for others.

Thanks for listening/reading. I appreciate it.
 
Now here’s the plug!
Want to be a better listener?

I have just the thing! Try improv!! There is a Level 1 class Thursdays for 4 weeks starting September 14th 630-830pm AEST, 2023.
Not only is improv fun and full of joy but the group games and scenes make you listen to others and respond. We create something from nothing together and the only way we can do that is by listening and accepting the other player’s offers! Nothing you or your partner says is too dumb or stupid all ideas are welcomed. We create a safe space to express yourself and be heard!

Sign up now! No experience necessary! Early bird pricing until September 7th!
https://www.eventbrite.com.au/e/706062480887?aff=oddtdtcreator

If you can't make this class you can also do a 1:1 improv discovery session at a time that suits you!
Go to https://improvhub.com.au/coaching

Just over a month ago I went to the local sports club with a friend for some dinner and a dance. At first there was no one up dancing but that didn’t bother me. I am renowned for being the first to get up and dance in public even on my own. In fact, prior to this night, I had come to the club on my own and danced alone. Of course, when you start the trend people start to join you, but there have been times I have danced alone a good half hour before others got up.

This time however I wasn’t alone, I had a good friend and improviser with me. We were having fun freestyling and making up choreography on the spot. After a few songs we sat down for a rest and an older guy got up and started dancing (very uniquely) on his own, I thought he may have had a little to drink and was tipsy. His son was still sat down at the back of the room cheering him on but wouldn’t join him.

You could see people laughing (not necessarily in a good way) at this man and his ‘unique moves’. My friend said, “We should really get up with him, I feel bad for him”. I agreed and we started to dance around him. At first, he was in his own world, but I made it a point to copy his moves and then he started copying me, then my friend cottoned on that we were mirroring each other (a classic technique in improv) and joined in the choreography. Because by now, that is what it looked like- choreography! We managed to get so in synch with this stranger that every move looked ‘meant to be’!

The feeling in the room changed and the audience started to invest in the dance. There was one moment that felt sublime. I noticed him walking back and forward and I did the same and at a certain point I saw him hold out an imaginary football in front of him and as he did, I did. The next minute in complete synchronisation we kicked our respective imaginary balls into the audience and there was an audible gasp. A communal ‘wow’. And thunderous applause. It was a moment of pure magic. This man had gone from being the butt of some unspoken group joke to a hero.

After a while my friend and I needed a break to catch our breath and as we sipped our water and sat in our little booth, she looked at me and said “Wow Lindsay, you really walk the walk, don’t you? I mean you really believe in that improv principle of ‘Make your partner look good’, I never would have thought of bringing that principle into my everyday life, but I will from now on! There you were making him look good, and it worked!” I smiled and thanked her for the compliment and for noticing.

I’m the kind of person who tries to genuinely compliment and encourage others and to ‘yes and’ their ideas, especially if they are being brave and trying to express their uniqueness. I kind of get upset that most people don’t take the time to truly compliment people, to make someone else look and feel good. It costs nothing. I even compliment strangers. I remember complimenting an older lady all in yellow at a pub once, I went up to her and said, ‘Excuse me for interrupting you but can I just say you look amazing in yellow, it really suits you!’, and she just lit up and smiled saying thank you.

For some reason people are reticent to do this kind of ‘compliment bomb’ but I feel like it is my duty as a fellow human being to point out beauty, achievement, and loveliness when and wherever I see it. Because really, we are all dancing in this crazy world together, we are all dancing with many partners. It’s just a nice thing to do to be kind and make others look good.

When it comes to improv, making your partner look good has some great performance effects:

• When you try and ‘make your partner look good’ in scenes (in other words ‘yes and’ and build on their ideas) it makes you look good!  And interestingly, it makes you look like a much better player!
• When your intention in a scene is to make the other person look good, you get out of your own head and you start to listen more, again, making you a better player!
• Even if sometimes you get stuck in a scene with someone you don’t really like playing with, if you try to make them look good and make their ideas shine not only do they look better but you will look awesome!
  

Making your partner look good in improv (and in life) really works! Why not give it a go?

An improv exercise:

Mirror, Mirror.
This can be done in real life or even online.

In a pair make one person partner A and one person partner B. Partner A starts by moving their hands around slowly in patterns, partner B follows. Then at a random point partner B leads the movement and partner A follows. Then back to partner A leading, then B then A and so on, gradually having less time in between swapping leadership. Until eventually you say ‘no leader’ and see what happens and how each person shares leading and following.
This is very meditative as an exercise and can feel very connective. Especially when you look into each other’s eyes.

If you are an intimate couple this is a beautiful exercise to do for instant connection.

*Here's the thing though, keep your movements slow and flowing. The faster you go the harder it is for your partner to keep up and they lose the synch. I have seen this done once where a guy started doing burpees and his partner was an older lady who could not follow! What a way to not care about your partner or make them look good! And what a way to make yourself look like an A-hole! Lol.

So, give Mirror, Mirror a go and make your partner look good!

The last few weeks Luke (my husband) and I have been having the bathroom renovated. Specifically, a new floor and shower screen. Our old shower floor was one of those pre-fab plastic/acrylic ones probably put in in the 90s. It had gotten to the stage where it had so many cracks and sags no more epoxy filler would do. The semi-retired tiler who came to do the job actually took some of the old shower floor to show his tiler mates for a laugh, as hidden within the floor were pieces of wood someone had put in to strengthen it….lol….he said he’d never seen anything like it before.

We laughed. Because of course wood and water don’t mix and under that old floor was a pile of swollen wood. Still it lasted a while, since probably the 1990s so maybe they improvised something that kinda worked not so bad. Maybe….lol.

The tiler told us that they had come a long way with bathroom innovations and now you could get a shower floor that was pre-tiled and slotted in place in a new hob. He showed me the hob. A chrome right-angle. This would be the simple structure that kept the floor and shower screen in place. He revealed to me that he knew the guy that designed it. He said this particular design had now standardised shower sizes in Brisbane! All new housing developments were using them.

Such a simple idea. Why not standardise shower sizes with a hob that slotted a shower floor and screens in; like Ikea furniture?! He said the guy who came up with the idea, a fellow tiler was now a multi-millionaire and didn’t need to tile anymore. I said “Wow! See, all it takes is just one really good idea!”. “I know, and so simple, but I wouldn’t have enough faith in my ideas to follow through”, he laughed.

It got me thinking about improv and how it is the most creative and best way to keep your brain fit to come up with new and innovative ideas! Improv makes you think outside the box and helps you ride the waves of inspiration.

Now I don’t know if the guy who invented this particular shower innovation was improvising something at a job and came up with it, or just got frustrated that there was no standardisation in shower floors, but either way, it shows you the power of a good idea and trusting your inspirations.

I know for me personally improv has made me a quicker and frankly better thinker. I have learnt not to dismiss ideas too readily and to play with them. I have also learnt to go with instincts and be in the present. Contrariwise, I have learnt to challenge my preconceptions about things and come up with 3 or 5 solutions to a problem rather than just one. In a nutshell I have become more cognitively flexible.

I wonder if you have a million-dollar idea just waiting to be expressed!

You will never find out if you don’t trust your ideas and learn to think outside the box!

And here’s my plug (lol….. get it! Bathroom- plug!):
If you think you would like to have more innovative ideas, why not try improv?! Or get back into it again?!
You will never have more fun becoming a creative genius!

Learn improv privately with me 1:1 and let’s get those creative blocks moved and that sluggish brain renovated!!
Check out your options here:
https://improvhub.com.au/coaching
 
P.S. One of my favourite and simple improv exercises for getting you to think outside the box is ‘3 things that’.
You ask yourself ‘What are three things that ________ (use a verb here)?’
For example:
What are 3 things that crawl:

• A baby
• Traffic
• A spider

 
Practice this with all sorts of verbs eg. 3 things that climb, run, spin, slide, bang, crash, lean…… whatever!
The trick is to try and go as lateral as possible and you will see, over time, you will get better at thinking of non-traditional answers.

I did this exercise recently in my Level 1 class and someone asked me for 3 things that eat. My first answer was ‘rust’ and that is not what I would have thought of saying 1st doing the exercise even a year ago! I would have said 'a person' or 'me'!

So give it a go!
Ask your self 'what are 3 things that ______?' often.

You can do it while in the shower, doing the dishes, waiting in line, falling asleep, wherever, whenever and watch yourself starting to come up with better and more inventive answers!
 
Hope you are well! May the joy be with you!
 
Lindsay. X
Owner/Head Teacher at Improv Hub

copyright 2023 Improv Hub-Lindsay Drummond